diff --git a/src/presence/__tests__/heartbeat-test.js b/src/presence/__tests__/heartbeat-test.js
index 98ca77a41ff..50ea220467e 100644
--- a/src/presence/__tests__/heartbeat-test.js
+++ b/src/presence/__tests__/heartbeat-test.js
@@ -63,11 +63,107 @@ describe('Heartbeat', () => {
   // arbitrarily, one full hour between heartbeats
   const HEARTBEAT_TIME = 60 * 60 * 1000;
 
+  /**
+   * "The course of false time never did run smooth." -- Shakespeare, probably
+   *
+   * Since we're using fake timers, two sequential events can appear to occur
+   * "at the same time". This can confuse simple comparisons terribly.
+   *
+   * We therefore represent an event time as a dual number (a + bε). The real
+   * part (a) is the readout of Date.now(), while the infinitesimal part (b) is
+   * an integer which differentiates the two.
+   *
+   * The dual number itself we represent as a 2-tuple [a, b]. (We could just say
+   * "we represent times as 2-tuples with the lexicographic ordering", but the
+   * "real"/"infinitesimal" terminology is useful.)
+   */
+  type TimeVector = [number, number];
+
+  type HeartbeatEventType = 'activate' | 'deactivate' | 'callback';
+  type HeartbeatEventRaw = {
+    type: HeartbeatEventType,
+    timeVector: TimeVector,
+  };
   type HeartbeatEvent = {
-    type: 'activate' | 'deactivate' | 'callback',
+    type: HeartbeatEventType,
     time: number,
   };
 
+  /**
+   * Create an (order-preserving) homomorphism M: V → ℝ, for some finite set V
+   * of TimeVectors.
+   */
+  const createTimeMapping = (times: TimeVector[]): (TimeVector => number) => {
+    /*
+      The reals ℝ and the dual numbers ⅅ are of different order types: in
+      particular, there is no injective homomorphism ⅅ ↣ ℝ. However, as we only
+      need to worry about a known, finite domain V ⊊ ⅅ, we have our choice of
+      uncountably many homomorphisms. We (ab)use this freedom to encode
+      additional useful properties in our chosen map.
+
+      Below, we denote arbitrary TimeVectors as v, v1, v2, ... and their images
+      as t = M(v), t1 = M(v1), t2 = M(v2)...; the real and infinitesimal parts
+      of a TimeVector are denoted Re(v) and In(v).
+
+      We ensure that the mapping we create has the following qualities:
+
+      (1)  v1 < v2 ⇒ t1 < t2.
+
+        This is the whole point, of course.
+
+      (2)  |t1 - t2| ≤ 1 ⟺ Re(v1) = Re(v2).
+
+        This allows us to trivially test, without keeping around additional
+        metadata, whether two times differ from each other only infinitesimally.
+
+        This is useful for testing predicates which should approximately hold:
+        we formalize that as meaning the predicate holds everywhere except
+        possibly over finitely many intervals of strictly infinitesimal measure.
+
+      (3)  ∀k ∈ ℝ: t1 + k = M(v1 + k).
+
+        This ensures that it makes sense to add a number representing a
+        sufficiently-large time interval (like HEARTBEAT_TIME) to values in the
+        image of M. The result will be a plausible, correctly-ordered distance.
+
+        (This property can't actually be satisfied for all possible inputs -- at
+        least, not while also satisfying (1) and (2). We _could_ substitute one
+        of
+
+          (2′)  ∃ℓ ∈ ℝ: |t1 - t2| ≤ ℓ ⟺ Re(v1) = Re(v2)
+          (3′)  ∃ℎ ∈ ℝ: t1 + ℎ⋅k = Re(v1 + k)
+
+        to satisfy instead, but then we'd have to pass around and use at least
+        one scaling factor in various places. It's simpler just to fail if we
+        can't use ℓ = ℎ = 1.)
+
+      (4)  The values of Re(v) and In(v) are human-readable in t.
+
+        This is just for convenience when looking at logs. We don't rely on it
+        for correctness.
+    */
+
+    // minimum difference between real parts of consecutive timeVector groups
+    const min_delta_a: number = Math.min(
+      ...slidingWindow(times.map(([a]) => a), 2).map(([l, r]) => r - l || Infinity),
+    );
+
+    // This ensures that (2) and (3) can hold simultaneously. (The unusual
+    // condition ensures that we also throw on NaN.)
+    if (!(min_delta_a >= 2)) {
+      throw new Error(`minimum real Δt ${min_delta_a} is too low!`);
+    }
+
+    // maximum value of infinitesimal part of timeVector
+    const max_b: number = Math.max(...times.map(([, b]) => b));
+
+    // Any value greater than max_b will satisfy (2); we choose a power of ten
+    // to also satisfy (4).
+    const adjustment = 10 ** (1 + Math.floor(Math.log10(max_b + 1)));
+
+    return ([a, b]) => a + b / adjustment;
+  };
+
   /**
    * Wrapper class for Heartbeat.
    *
@@ -80,16 +176,32 @@ describe('Heartbeat', () => {
    * by test cases.
    */
   class JestHeartbeatHelper {
-    callback: CallbackType;
-    heartbeat: Heartbeat;
-    _events: HeartbeatEvent[] = [];
-
+    /** List of heartbeats used in the current test. */
     static _currentHeartbeats: Array<JestHeartbeatHelper> = [];
 
+    // ==============================================================
+    // Event tracking
+
+    _last_event_time: TimeVector = [-Infinity, 0];
+    _events_raw: HeartbeatEventRaw[] = [];
+    _events: HeartbeatEvent[] | null = null; // for memoization
+
     _recordEvent(type: 'activate' | 'deactivate' | 'callback') {
-      this._events.push({ type, time: Date.now() });
+      const now = Date.now();
+      const [lastA, lastB] = this._last_event_time;
+      const timeVector: TimeVector = lastA === now ? [now, lastB + 1] : [now, 0];
+
+      this._events_raw.push({ type, timeVector });
+      this._last_event_time = timeVector;
+      this._events = null; // clear cache
     }
 
+    // ==============================================================
+    // Public interface
+
+    callback: CallbackType;
+    heartbeat: Heartbeat;
+
     constructor() {
       this.callback = jest.fn().mockImplementation(() => this._recordEvent('callback'));
       this.heartbeat = new Heartbeat(this.callback, HEARTBEAT_TIME);
@@ -110,6 +222,17 @@ describe('Heartbeat', () => {
     }
 
     getEvents(): $ReadOnlyArray<HeartbeatEvent> {
+      if (this._events === null) {
+        const mapping: TimeVector => number = createTimeMapping(
+          this._events_raw.map(({ timeVector }) => timeVector),
+        );
+
+        this._events = this._events_raw.map(({ type, timeVector }) => ({
+          type,
+          time: mapping(timeVector),
+        }));
+      }
+
       return this._events;
     }