ListOfJokes.txt

Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.
Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
You won't drink away the alcoholism.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
That one liner 'i'm not drinking too much tonight' never goes as planned...
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... Scaring men is easy.
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.
Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction
They used to time me with a stopwatch... now they use a calendar.
The road to success is always under construction.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.